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Authentic Self

Page history last edited by ruth billany 14 years, 8 months ago

Our authentic self finds a way to make a connection with horses.

 

Although I am now too old and creaky to ride I still miss it terribly. But the good side is that my teaching/coaching/judging/safety work gives me lots of weekly contact with both horses and their people, and that removes some of the sting.  Over the years I exercised and competed other people’s horses until I finally had a farm of my own at age 29. I have owned these pony breeds: Shetland, New Forest, Welsh, POA (pony size Appaloosas) mostly used for Pony Club games and driving. Horse breeds:  Quarter Horse, Anglo-Arab, TB/QH X; Arab-QH X; TB.

 

 My Arab cross mare competed very successfully to 3rd level dressage and Training Level Eventing. She came to me heavey, and when she could only be managed living outdoors she went back to the person I bought her from and produced some wonderful foals by a TB stallion. They all had happy dressage careers.

 

My TB rescue made it to PSG dressage, and I swear he paid me back a thousandfold by his generosity and willingness to try anything I asked; I still dream about his extended gaits which floated across the ring, and which he would give me on the longe line on voice command. The first year I had him I loaned him to one of my former students when his horse went lame; Michael was the Jr. U.S. Dressage Champion on his own horse, and qualified mine for the National Finals, where he was in the top 20 in the U.S. Max went on to a lovely young rider when my previous spinal injury finally caught up to me and she had great success with him, letting me know that she felt he was the most wonderful and beautiful horse on the earth. When she went to college he went to an older lady who loved him dearly for his final years. He died at age 28 and was truly “the horse of my heart.”

 

The Anglo-Arab did 100 mile Endurance before I had him; the pure QH was terrific foxhunting and for polo. He taught hundreds of riders to jump safely.

 

My son’s Welsh pony was a star at eventing, games, and Hunter/Jumper, and was the dearest little guy imaginable. When he outgrew him the pony went on to another Pony Clubber and sadly died of an aneurysm at age 13.

 

I am now 73, and this has been a typical July. I judged a Jumper Derby the first week, a dressage show the second, was FEI Safety Liaison for an international Horse Trials CIC* for four days, and scribed for an international judge for two days last weekend. This Friday I am judging dressage at a large County Fair, and on Saturday and Sunday at two small Horse Trials which are 150 miles apart.  And I am working at my regular job for the other four days this week !  Not too bad for old and creaky (New York, US)

 

 

Hard to imagine [a life without horses]. I guess I would have been a lot less fit. As a teenager I rode 3 -4 horses every day and helped at the stables.

I also learned self-discipline (sometimes it was hard to leave the cosy warm house in winter to cycle to the stables in the snow. Nobody pushed me, as my family was not into horses at all. It was my own choice to lead that horsey life. And as soon as I was on my bike, I was grateful that I had had a reason that kicked me out and I was enjoying nature. With an animal, there are no excuses, you simply have to go and that helps to get over the initial reluctance)

I also learned that if you are really passionate about something, you are prepared to put a lot of time and energy into it and you don't see it as a burden. And you can almost achieve anything - as long as you are prepared to work hard and make other sacrifices. My piano teacher (I hated playing the piano but my parents insisted on that one) once said to me that I only enjoy playing when I had mastered a piece but that I hated practising and that made me realise that with horses it was so different - I enjoyed everything around horses, helping muck out, hay stacking etc. It was all part of it. Even the harder chores gave me some satisfaction.

I would not have done certain horrible money earning jobs like working in a boring can factory when I was a student and had to provide for my horse. It was good to know that I was doing it for a living being, I think I would have quit if it had just been for holiday money. Having experienced those jobs helped me cope with other jobs and life situations later on. When I was dissatisfied with a job or a university course, I would think back and immediately see that the then current situation was not so bad at all. : )

You also get to know yourself really well around horses. You can't lie or pretend to a horse, eg. pretending to be calm when you are afraid in a situation etc. The only way to go about it is that you actually have to manipulate yourself eg. really think about something else to distract yourself. :)

 It is hard to put down all the positives about a life with horses, what I have generally been feeling is that I owe horses a lot and I feel that I will always want to give something back to them (NZ).

 

Female Centaur
I was born a horse. I kicked, snorted, whinnied and stamped my feet. I even acknowledged that a vile smell belonging to a nearby pea farm was indeed my ‘horse breath’. My grandmother made me a tail which tucked in to the back of my trousers and clip-clop hooves which slipped over my hands. Most of my early foal behaviour is pre memory, related to me as embarrassing legends by loving old family members.

Then came the horsy cowboy TV shows of the early sixties. ‘The Lone Ranger’ and ‘The Cisco Kid’, but ‘My Friend Flicka’ remains indelible. I went from being a horse to actually wanting one. I wanted one so desperately bad it was agonising. I had a cowboy hat, a toy gun, a hobby horse and a German Shepherd. He was an OK sort of horse but he was a much better as a dog.

Years and years and years went past, horseless. I begged my mother endlessly for the pony that I must have. I left treats for fairies in the hope they would leave a pony tethered to a tree in the back yard for me. Each year I asked Santa for a pony, and despite my having been mostly a good girl, a real live pony never appeared at Xmas time. One year Santa gave me a lovely old rocking horse which I still have. I had a knitted donkey, a fluffy white stuffed pony, a handful of plastic farm horses and a scrap book of horse pictures that my Grandmother had diligently created for me.

I drew horses, painted horses, sewed horses, sculptured horses and I even won a prize for a my crayon masterpiece titled ‘Palomino and Foal’ that had been entered in an exhibition. While other girls were giggling and fussing with dolls, I was seriously mucking about with toy horses. I had occasional real life horse encounters in the way of rides on ponies at shows. Such occasions were pure bliss, but niggly reminders that I was horseless.

I became a teenager. I even think I loathed horses sometime during that disagreeable stage. Despite this, I still doodled stylised images of horses, I still became mesmerized at TV images of dressage horses and I still encouraged my grandfather to relate his old timer stories involving his interactions with horses.

I remained horseless throughout my twenties. Motorbikes were fun, and sexy. I was horseless in my thirties too. I had too much on my plate then. A baby, a University Degree, a career. I was 33 when I met Tracy and she had horses. She taught me a little about riding. Once or twice I rode a bad tempered little paint mare whose name I forget. I was in awe of Tracy. She was so damn horsy. She looked right on a horse. She exuded that horsy knowing thing that horsy women have. Down to earth natural, but mystical and magic all at the same time. Tracey had never been horseless like me.

My forties were becoming less frantic. My baby was becoming an adult. My career was becoming more like a walk in the park and my life was becoming my own again. I still liked to look at horses. I identified with horsy culture. I liked horsy people. I read horsy books. I loved the look of western saddles, cowboy boots and rawhide bridles. I started making and selling horsehair jewellery. It only seemed right to take some riding lessons.

By the age of forty seven I was no longer horseless. I am forty eight now. I have a nervous 16 year old QH x Appy Mare. She is my ‘My Friend Flicka’. My life is different now and it is difficult to express the relationship I have with my horse without resorting to clichés. Knowing what I know, I am saddened that I have been horseless for the first 47 years of my life.

Aside to Ruth
But I don’t think I need to explain all of that stuff to you Ruth, because I know that you know. I know you have that special horsy knowing thing that horsy women have (TAS, Australia).

 

Language of Equus: Energy and Emotion – Kathy Pike

http://www.horseconscious.com/lanuage-of-equus-kathy-pike.html

Maybe you’ve had a rough start to the day. You’ve had an argument with your spouse. You are going to lose your job and finances are bad. You can’t find a solution to a never-ending problem. So, you seek refuge in what you love; you put on your happy face and head to the barn to be with your horse.

Your horse, usually easy to catch, seems a bit more stand-offish, impatient with the grooming, and worst case, difficult to manage once you are in the saddle. A pleasant day of riding might turn into a tug of war or, if you are really unlucky, an unexpected buck out of your saddle. Your experience amplifies into frustration and anger, or tears and guilt.

Horses are sensitive, feeling-oriented prey animals. Their survival depends on their ability to sense any incongruence in their environment. Herd safety requires continual communication among herd members. Everything in the environment is monitored for appropriate responses such as fight, flight, freeze or return to grazing.

I work with numerous riders who struggle with releasing fears and anxiety with their horses to create a deeper sense of harmony. Regardless of your level of riding, your ability to manage your personal energy and become emotionally agile will profoundly shift your experience with your horse. You need the right tools and skills for good horsemanship, and one of them is self-awareness.

Emotional Viewpoints Differ
For horses, emotions are simply information; it is a form of communication. If a herd member becomes fearful, the whole herd responds simultaneously and moves to safety. They listen to the emotional message, take action, and then return to grazing. Humans view emotions differently. Humans are often embarrassed to show or express emotion. They try to stuff feelings and hide behind a happy face or a mask. Horses do not pay attention to the mask. Horses sense what is in your belly, heart and head.

Self Awareness is an Important Tool
Practicing small, easy steps of emotional and energetic awareness enhances your relationship with your horse. Start to in¬crease your awareness by noticing where you ‘live’ in your body, the majority of the time. Are you aware of your belly, heart, hips, legs, or throat? Does the idea of even connecting with some part of your physical body below your neck feel like an esoteric idea, foreign in nature and unachievable?

When I first started riding I had no concept that I had a body. As an extreme athlete I had learned how to dissociate from informative emotions such as fear, anxiety, frustration and anger and where they lived in my body, to achieve my goals. This did not sit well with my horse. My horse wanted me in my body paying attention to the environment around me. Eventually a hard buck out of the saddle and an abrasive drag across a gravel arena got my attention. It took ten years to get back into the saddle and two years to work through my fears. Through diligent steps, lots of patience and the perfect horse as my teacher, I have learned how to manage my past memories and triggers of fear to become a better leader for my horse. You cannot lead when you are not centered in your body and mind.

After you locate where you are in your physical body (stomach, throat, chest, head), notice the quality of sensations in that area.
• What emotion sits in that area of your body?
• Are you experiencing anger, frustration, fear or sadness?
• What is the message in the emotion you are experiencing?

Label the emotion. If it’s “fear,” what might you need to do to move to safety? Are you experiencing frustration? Frustration is a sign of pushing against the river. It arises from doing the same thing over and over while trying to get a different result. Take a moment, step back, breathe, ask for help or try a new approach. If you are experiencing anger, you may need to look at establishing some new boundaries with others or your horse.

Don’t Ignore the Emotion
Every emotion is information about what you are experiencing and you are about to experience! It is not about becoming emotional and letting your emotions run amok. It is about utilizing your emotions as logic. An energy-aware, body-centered approach gives you choice and power about how you will respond to your emotions. Ignoring your emotional messages takes you away from your inner wisdom. These ignored emotions are held in your body and your horse responds to your whole being.

Check in with your body and your emotional state of being before you go out to the barn. Do it again as you enter the barn. Do not try to get ‘rid’ of the emotion you might be experiencing. Instead, listen to it, be with it and get the message behind it.

Horses Respond Immediately
It matters little what you are feeling. What matters most is that you have a body-centered awareness. Over and over I witness how horses at liberty respond to my clients as I teach these processes. When the client becomes body-centered and honest about any emotion that may be present, the horse shifts from a nervous, flighty or distracted disposition into one of relaxation, calmness and the desire to connect. Horses naturally move away from the clients who have tension in their body. When the client becomes body-centered and aware the horse walks right up to the human, drops its head, begins to lick and chew and yawn and stretch.

When a horse drops his head he is relaxed. Horses relax when each herd member is in his or her body and relaxed in the environment. Your partnership with your horse requires great mental confidence. It also requires great emotional awareness. Don’t be blind to the effects your energy and emotions have on your horse. Become conscious of your thoughts and feelings, use your emotions as information and guide yourself into a fully congruent and present state of being with your horse. From that place you will create the connection and the partnership that you desire, with your horse, and with yourself.

 

Comments (1)

ruth billany said

at 4:45 pm on Apr 20, 2009

Thank you for your story.
Wow - we could have been twins as children growing up. Female centaurs. I even envy you with your grandfather with first hand knowledge of horses. My family were not horsey at all and I was the butt of family jokes (in fun I know but they did jar - I always felt apart - different - the family sport was sailing).
My dog had bridles put on him and I had him jumping over 'show jumps' in the small wood (bush) at the end of the garden - this before dog agility became popular.
I also dreamed of a palomino pony.

I love the way that in your 40s you describe 'my life was becoming my own again' - horses have allowed you to become your authentic self.

The last part is that great connection horsey women have - others have said when they go to a non-horsey event they soon 'find' another horsey woman to connect with.

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